So, am always the ‘auntie’ among my girlfriends and this makes me believe that the best relationship ‘counselors’ aren’t in relationships themselves. Anyhow though, my girlfriends, not all, are in relationships because they’ve had sex with their boyfriends but with all clarity, there’s no love that is binding them together. They are just stuck there because they are afraid of not getting what they have started with this person, afraid that they will not get it anywhere else with another person. Am always thinking to myself and I tell them, ‘REALLY!!!!’
Thing is, these days, sex is like that spice in relationships trying to make them more palatable and somewhat stronger. But if you look at it from my girlfriends’ point of view, it is denoting slavery. Picture this, a guy will insult you, batter you and you still hold on in the name of, ‘ it’s what I’ve done with him’. Do you think he thinks of that when he is laying a finger or an insult on you? It just shows how much he’s degraded you and by you sticking around, I say, ‘Keep degrading yourself’. Basically, what am saying is, you get into a relationship, you become sexually active, all strings attached, BUT, when all the signs are clear that you need to hit the road, do not and I repeat, DO NOT be blinded by sex. truth be told, when a man is already hitting you or insulting you, he is already banging another girl. and for crying out loud, you’re only in a relationship and not in marriage, even for those in marriage, some acts aren’t acceptable.
Secondly, for many the question always is, ‘Can anyone be in a relationship with someone else and not have sex with them?’ And my answer is, ‘Yes, very much possible.’ The issue at hand always is, ‘As a person. can you control yourself to keep it pure?’ For many of my age-mates, this is a NO-NO situation. Thing is, no relationship should have it’s base as sex, leave that for the friends with benefits. Reason being, when this happens, you will get to the instance of ‘I can’t leave my boyfriend considering the much banging we’ve had’. I always say, when it’s time to walk, walk without looking back nothing, especially sex should tie you down to a relationship where you don’t draw happiness and grow in love. Bottom line is, if you are in a relationship where you think that sex is what will make you too ashamed to leave, check yourself again.
My Ethics teacher one mr. Thomas Mundia told me, once you start having sex with a man who is not your husband, you stop getting them excited. You have laid all of you for them to have and a man naturally is created like a ‘hunter’, so, since there’s no thrill in ‘chasing’ after you, they become less interested. If at all you have to have sex as part of your relationship, make sure beyond and very high above it, there is love and friendship living within the relationship, not merely existing.